For the Love of Shoes

Dahlia Bendavid

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3 min read

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Dec 31, 2020

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I Love Shoes!

Flats, heels for work, sexy heels, sandals, ankle boots, over-the-knee boots, cowboy boots, sneakers, running shoes, tennis shoes, walking shoes, water shoes, flip flops, open-toed shoes, hiking shoes, slides, loafers, wedges, mules. Black, red, hot pink, animal print, taupe, navy, purple, burgundy. Did I say black? One can never have enough black shoes (or black dresses for that matter).

I have a lot of shoes. Not like Imelda Marcos (3,000 pairs!) and probably not a lot by Miami, LA, or NY standards. But nonetheless, more than just a few.

Shoes fit. They are reliable. They can change how I feel about myself and shift my mood. Slipping on a pair of shoes can make me feel cozy, professional, in vacation mode, or sexy.

If I gain five or so pounds, my clothes are snug and just don’t fit properly. What a horrible feeling going to throw on a pair of jeans and they barely make it over my hips, let alone trying to zip them up. Or when I am about to put on a dress for a much anticipated event and it is snug around my stomach. Time to pull out the Spanx, and with it an internal dialogue that is self-critical.

One would think going clothes shopping would be fun. On the contrary, it can be frustrating and can sometimes make one feel crappy. Trying on dresses, shorts, or pants and feeling too fat or too short or not busty enough. It can be exasperating.

But shoes are a whole other story. One can always find a pair of shoes that fit. While research has shown that acquiring new possessions does not make one as happy as one would think, I don’t find this applies to shoes. The satisfaction and pleasure I get from my shoes go way beyond the twenty five minute retail therapy high.

Why do women always feel like they are never enough? We are not pretty enough, thin enough, tall enough. Ask most young girls or women to look at themselves in the mirror and tell you what they see. More often than not, they will say something negative — my nose is too big, or I have too many wrinkles, or my breasts are too small, or my calves are too thick. Not, I have beautiful eyes, great teeth, gorgeous hair, full lips, nice legs, smooth skin. Most women and girls have a distorted image of what they look like. We tend to zoom in on the flaws and totally disregard our positive features.

Body image is a huge societal issue. Look at magazines, tv shows or social media influencers and the girls and women look thin, confident, and beautiful. This is constant in-your-face messaging of what ‘normal’ is supposed to look like and is an intense amount of pressure. For anyone. It is no wonder that when girls and women feel they need to look like a supermodel, they end up with anxiety, depression, or an eating disorder. It is hard to develop a positive body image amidst the barrage of thin, perky, perfectly featured, model-like imagery.

Of course, it is important to focus on inner beauty, things we love about ourselves, engage in positive self-talk, and feel comfortable in our own skin. Our bodies are amazing and can do so much. Good health is important, as is appreciating the many miracles of our bodies. With a positive body image comes confidence. With confidence comes a more positive attitude, presence, energy, and happiness.

I know all this and do my best to look past societal norms and definitions of beauty. I try to focus on what I like about my appearance — great smile, magnificent curly hair, nice legs. And I feel that I am comfortable in my own skin. It is something that I have to work very hard at doing.

Until the pressure that we put on ourselves to look and be perfect dissipates, we can take comfort in our reliable and trustworthy shoes.